'Love Actually' Oozes Modern Love, But Has It's Origins in the Middle Ages
Looking for love? Not an easy find in medieval Europe. At least now how we define it today.
Back then, marriage was for political or social gain. Women had no say and were groomed to be married as young as 12. Boys at 14. And your honeymoon night? The wife was often carried to the marital bed by family where the consummation was witnessed by a room full of people who stood around observing until the "deed was done."
Enter: courtly love.
Modern romantic love can trace its origins back to the Middle Ages and the concept of courtly love. As the name implies the phenomenon began at the royal court, first in France and then quickly spreading all over Europe.
We're not talking about marital love. Nor routine everyday love. We're talking "Love Actually" kind of love. "Shakespeare in Love" kind of love. Wuthering Heights. The kind of love that makes you write poems and do crazy s**t sometimes.
Courtly love, however, was not a free-for-all. Though Lords and Ladies were allowed to practice love outside of their marriage, sex was strictly forbidden and reserved for one's spouse only. At medieval court, the term 'lover' referred to the person with whom someone danced, giggled, and held hands; procreation was a spousal duty.
Practicing "love," gentlemen were expected to behave respectably. As medieval scholar, Laura Ashe writes, "the greatest knight was not simply the greatest warrior. He was also kind, courteous, generous and devoted to his lady: qualities that combined to produce perfect chivalry." The love story of Lancelot and Queen Guinevere is probably the most famous.
These guidelines must not have always been respected though, since this medieval "love game" soon had its own set of rules. 31 of them, in fact. Here are just a few:
-Marriage is no real excuse for not loving
-A true lover is constantly and without intermission possessed by the thought of his beloved
-He who is not jealous, cannot love
-No one should be deprived of love without the very best of reasons
Nowadays, of course, these courtly notions of love are the standard by which we hold the love we feel toward the person we want to marry. We relish the dizziness and courtship that come before deciding to marry or partner with someone long-term. The codes of decency are baked in.
So, my Lords and Ladies, Happy Valentine's Day. Conduct yourselves chivalrously Go forth and giggle!
This 12th-century manuscript image depicts Bernger Von Horheim, a German poet of the court of Henry IV. The poet is with his beloved who holds a dog in her lap, a symbol of fidelity.
